Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
