Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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