...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
