if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
