Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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