I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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