I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
