I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
