His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
