Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
