Rock
Scissors
Fuck
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
