You just made me feel so damn special
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
