Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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