the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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