So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
