who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
