I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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