I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
