where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
