she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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