Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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