i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
