i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
