I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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