Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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