Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
organizing the empties. That sober.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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