Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
