He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
