margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
