it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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