what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
