i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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