My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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