What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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