smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
