then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
