i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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