two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
