New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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