i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
