Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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