Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
