so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
