margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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