Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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