I can text with my tongue
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
