I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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