You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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