I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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