I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
